Nature hath framed strange fellows in her time

I get some strange comments and email now that I’m creeping toward Internet famous*. Some of them are rude, some are misdirected, and some are asking me to do their work for them, as if I somehow have the secrets to unlocking fame and fortune, now that more than two people know who I am.

None of them actually get from me the thing that they wanted. I don’t even get into arguments over whatever they said. I’m, in general, an “eh, whatever” kind of girl, and “ignore/delete” is my favorite response to being poked with a stick.

I’ve decided to share some examples of the junk mail I get, in hopes that you might learn something. You don’t need to read it all in order to glean the most important lesson. I’ll tell you right now. Lean in. Listen up. Ready?

STOP SENDING ME THESE KINDS OF MESSAGES. IT’S NOT DOING YOU ANY GOOD AT ALL AND JUST WASTES THE TIME OF EVERYONE INVOLVED.

In case you need me to be a little more specific, don’t be these people:

The misogynistic jackass. Says things like “why do you women whine so much” and “you wouldn’t step out of line if I was there you fucking coward”. I know, I know, how could I not swoon at such delightful attention? Instead I ban people, report their IP addresses, and don’t bother to reply to their comments. Continue reading

Letter From A Murderous Construct and His Robot Fish

We’ll call it a dare. I made a few comments on twitter late last night, got some encouragement from Ken Liu, and found myself writing a Shakespearean sonnet which had to include robots, a fish, and a murder. Putting all of that into 14 lines, and making sure the right parts rhymed … it was a challenge. I’m not sure I’ve won it. But, since I said I would, I’m posting here for your review. (And yes, it’s ok to laugh.)

Letter From A Murderous Construct and His Robot Fish

Our master’s voice, once law, declared our fate
Like cast off clothes we were outgrown and sold
My love’s tank drained, I boxed into a crate
Parted from joy for nothing more than gold

Her jeweled scales, her silver fins, delight!
She built for beauty and I built for brawn
My hands of steel, my clockwork-powered might
Still I could count the hours ‘fore the dawn

Forced my escape, took up a heavy wrench
I calculated odds and chose to act
Deed done, the bloody tool left on a bench
Stole love away to freedom we had lacked

Know this – the time to capture us has passed
We’ve fled from human influence at last